My Rules

I have made reference to my "rules" in a previous post. One of the most important, if not The Most Important Rule is this: Don't Be On the News.

Why? Well, mostly because of my kids. As a mother of four young children, the odds are high that if we end up on the news, it won't be for anything good. Every time we leave the house, heck, every time we get out of bed, I think to myself, "Dear Heavenly Father, help us stay out of situations that might be the lead story on the 10p.m. newscast."

Here are a few headlines I've had nightmares about:

Mother Leaves Four-Year-Old at the Mall!! Without Enough Money for A Cinnabon!

Children Found Shoveling Snow with Bare Hands!! Mother at Maverick Getting a Drink!!

Ten-Year Old Drives Self to School! Mother Overslept and Didn't Do the Laundry!

See? There's all sorts of peril waiting to befall us....and we'll be talking into Channel 5's microphone so fast, our heads will spin.

My dating life (I mean, hypothetical dating life) is another reason for this rule. Most of you are probably somewhat surprised that I don't want to be on TV. After all, I'm kind of an attention whore. No, Dad, I didn't say I was a plain whore....I said attention whore. That kind of whore is fine. Anyway, for example, in high school, our teachers decided to strike and my friends and I jockeyed for position after the cameras showed up. In college, I had sixth row tickets to the Jazz game and spent most of the first half flirting with the camera guy. Guess who was on TV thirty-seven times during the second half? That's right. About a year ago, someone hijacked a car and I happened to walk outside just as the cops apprehended the guy right in front of the law school. I hadn't showered, I was studying for finals....and I got interviewed by 3 different media outlets. That night, watching myself jabber on about the gun! the guy! the cop! holy whip! it's just like Crim Law!, the wisdom of my Rule was brought home to me.

How in the world would I ever get a date if my exposure to the world is as the crazy, unkempt, gun enthusiast and law student in a John Deere hat?

Apparently, lots of people saw the news that night....and thought the exact same thing. Date her? Um....no.

Speaking of which, I totally had a "conversation" with RHGIMBRC tonight. There's another guy in our class who looks like Crispin Glover who was shopping for semi-automatic weapons online during lecture tonight. Never a good sign. RHGIMBRC and I exchanged a glance and raised our eyebrows at each other over that one. So it was practically a real conversation. Hence the quote marks. My friend Jay and I also started shopping for bulletproof vests.

George McFly Opens Fire at Bar Review Class!! Blonde Woman Inexplicably Has Flak Jackets On Hand!

I also tried to take a picture of RHGIMBRC, since I've had several requests, however, Jay said he'd start calling me Glenn Close if I snapped one. I don't know what he's talking about -- I don't see any rabbits.

Woman Secretly Snaps Pic with Cell Phone!! Restraining Order Filed!! He's Hot Though, So We Totally Understand!!