Silver Linings

So back in October, November, and December of 2009, I was getting pretty panicky because I wasn't billing enough hours at work. I was in the office every day, asking around for work, emailing every other day or so, reminding everyone that I was around, just waiting to be useful. One of the guys at my firm calls that "taking a vacation at your desk." You've heard of the Staycation? I took a Desk Vacation, the ultimate Staycation. So lame.

Fast forward to January. Totally different story. I billed FIVE TIMES more hours in January than I did in December. FIVE TIMES. Holy buckets.

I'm not complaining, I swear on a stack of Bibles. Working so much is stressful, it makes the work/family juggling even more difficult, and my kids really need me right now (different post) (never mind, subject matter not appropriate for a post). I hate having to tell whichever child is sleeping in my bed, "Yes, it's your turn to sleep 'with me.' Take heed of the quotes, because I probably won't be joining you. At all. Sleep tight."

But more than that, I hate the stress of not working enough, of not making hours, of being afraid of getting fired, of being homeless on the street (because that's the immediate result of getting fired, right? You come home with your little box of paraphernalia from your desk and someone else has moved into your place, your clothes are on the lawn and the furniture is on its way to the secondhand store.).

February is shaping up to be a lot like January. Good for the hours, bad for the bags under my eyes. We do have a Grand High Adventure (it's a surprise, of course!!!) planned for Spring Break, so on the long nights that also seem short because I'm not getting done what I need to get done, I'm going to be looking ahead to that blissful stretch of time. I get 9 straight days with my kids, nine heavenly days of no school, no piano, and, heaven willing, no work. Ok, no work at the office. Let's be honest.

You know, this isn't the direction I thought this post would go, but I'm just going to say that I love school vacations. I love when I get to spend all day at home with The Five. I know it's largely because I don't get to do it as often as moms who don't work outside the home. But I am so grateful that because I do have to work, I get to appreciate the times I'm home so much more. That's the silver lining I'm looking at today.

This picture is only tangentially related to this post (typical, I know). One of the things I love about my job is that I rarely have to miss a school function, even in the middle of the day. Rachel's Chinese New Year's program was a smash hit, of course, and one of the other moms snapped this picture of Rachel and me. Thanks Becky, for being the Mom with the Camera. You know I'll never, ever be that Mom. I'll be the Mom Constantly Asking the Other Moms to Email a Copy of That Picture.