Does everybody have moments in life when it seems like the answers you thought you had all figured out don't fit the questions being asked? Or is it just me?
The past several weeks (mostly since the bar), I've been pretty dang happy. Things are going well at home, my kids seem do be doing well, I'm getting dinner on the table and staying ahead of the laundry. I love my job, the Judge appears to be happy with my work and everyone keeps talking about how much fun chambers is right now. With a small office, it's imperative that everyone get along, so positive comments like that mean that, at the very least, I'm not upsetting the apple cart in any major way.
Yep. It's all sunshine and rainbows over here.
Except that now it's not.
Maybe it's just that time of the month (because, it is) or maybe it's just the cycle of life. I've been thinking so much the past few days about work and my kids and how to balance it all . . . crap. This line of thinking is dangerous. You know that, right?
I have this never-ending conversation with myself about how much money I really need to live. Every minute I'm away from my kids is an expensive minute to me, because I'd rather be home with them. More than anything else, I'd prefer that. But we love to go on sneak-aways and Grand High Adventures and to Mav and all of that . . . all of which cost money.
My mom suggested last week that I figure out how to write for a living (hello, I do write for a living, I'm an attorney!), but I don't have the confidence, to say nothing of the talent, and I certainly don't want to join the ranks as another starving writer. Or is that artist? Whatever. Anyway, I do wish there was a way I could write for fun for a living. From home. Like this: blog blog blog. Send me money.
Somehow, I don't think it works quite like that. I just feel like my kids need me so much right now. But then, they need to eat too. Choices, choices.
Today, we were flying kites for our FHE activity and Abby could not get hers to stay up. It's not like she was the only one, but holy cow, she was certainly the only one who reacted so poorly. I looked up from the hopeless knot that Rachel's string had become just in time to see Abby stomp on her kite in anger. With both feet. Like a movie or something. You know, the movie where the little kid says things that you find appalling, not funny at all, and when that kid gets in trouble with the principal for being bad, you're pretty disappointed that corporal punishment doesn't exist anymore in elementary schools of America. It was kind of like that. Awesome.
We had a little heart-to-heart, she went back inside to fix her broken kite and came out with a whole new version. She'd tried valiantly to make a new one out of printer paper and bright blue painter's tape. She did such a good job and was so hopeful it would work. Honestly, she knew her temper had gotten the best of her and she was trying her best to participate in our activity. But the wind wouldn't cooperate. Try as she might, poor Abby could not get that kite in the air. This time, she didn't stomp, she didn't cry, but when we came inside, Kite 2.0 was in the trash.
As we were putting the other kites away, Spen said that he wished he had a shooting star so that he could wish that every day was Parents Day, where parents get to stay home with their kids but it wasn't Church Day and parents and kids could just play and play all the day long and never have to go to work. And then he would wish that his parents would live at the same house and his mom would let his dad live in their house with them.
Ouch.
THEN . . . because apparently, somebody has a sense of humor, we read my new least-favorite chapter in Alma. It's all about those sneaky, deceptive lawyers who do bad things endlessly. Really, it's a very embarrassing chapter for anyone who is L.D.S. and an attorney. Talk about disapproval from heaven for your career choice. What other professions are villified like that in the scriptures? Moneychangers and hookers. Great. I could have been at least one of those without even going to school. That would have saved me a bundle in student loans.
This is the last verse we read, the one that put me over the edge for the day, in light of my on-going, epic money struggle:
"Now the object of these lawyers was to get gain: and they got gain according to their employ."
Can I go to hell for telling the scriptures to shut the heck up?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Another awesome entry! Literally, I have no idea how you do it all! I have 1 weekend by myself and I melt and you have 1 more kid than me...I really could take some lessons from you! I also don't know if telling the scriptures to shut it is such a good idea...you might be struck down or stalked by a fellow MAV junkie!
Cara, don't get discouraged. Satan wants you to get discouraged. His favorite and very effective tool!! The things you have accomplished are far beyond what most people would have even attempted but there are those days when no matter what we do the kite just won't stay in the air and stomping on it feels dang good!! That's okay as long as you do just what you have always done and fly that kite another day.
I love you,
Linda
Okay Cara, I don't want this to be a long respones, but it may. Anyway the Lawyer that did all the free work for me (after my accident). He said I am doing this because every time you hear a bad lawyer joke you will stick up for Me. And I do. You will be able to do such good and the knowlege and skill that you have it will all go to good!! Your kids love you and the time you spend with them is special. They just want you to know that they love you and could spend everyday all day with you. You need to be confident and know that you of all people can do anything you want to!! I LOVE YOU!!!
Post a Comment